The past 10 months, almost to the day, have been extremely difficult as I’ve been dealing with the loss of my dad, a Vietnam Veteran who served with the 101st Airborne. So much needed to be addressed in handling his estate and I had no idea what would become of me due to my own finances. However, now that I’m over the major obstacles of selling the house and have moved, I wanted to write a post as a memorial to him. It’s also to share the overall situation since he passed away, as I’ve become in need of financial help while continuing a difficult job search.
Before I go on, in December 2022, I signed up for an artist profile on Fine Art America in hopes of selling photography. Any money earned would’ve helped toward my dad’s finances; at least some of the regular bills, if not enough came in for major household issues, of which there were plenty. Feel free to check out my photography.
I’ve also had a profile on CafePress for much longer. So far, no luck with selling items featuring my photos via either site.
Just to catch anyone up on the overall struggles my dad and I went through, read my most recent blog post of an update on fundraising for my Veteran dad. It links to other posts going back to when my mom passed away.
I’m going to go back slightly further in relation to what led to his passing. It’s hard to believe that this time last year, my dad’s car engine had finally been replaced after it failed early in March 2022 while on the road. The cost was $8,000 and with no money to cover it, the car sat on the side street by his house until scheduled roadwork. At that point, it had to be towed into the yard, where it remained through February 2023. This was only one of many financial problems that caused a great deal of stress for my dad. Everything else had to do with the house; roof leaks, multiple major appliances needing replacements, kitchen sink and pipe repairs, no main heater for years. These were on top of his monthly expenses, which I didn’t know until last July how far behind they’d become. Despite his stress, a history of heart attacks and high blood pressure, the worst he usually appeared was in a difficulty walking. So, I never would’ve imagined that only a few months after the car issue was resolved, he’d pass away of cardiac arrest later in the month of his 75th birthday.
I keep wondering if things would’ve been different, at least for a little while longer, had any of the fundraisers been successful in reaching their goals. Each one was to help my dad with all of his out-of-pocket household and car emergencies and a year’s worth of his regular bills. The first was a GoFundMe, started in April 2021 with a goal of $50,000; almost a year before his car engine failure, he already had too many financial problems. Over the next two years, I tried another GoFundMe and two Facebook fundraisers. Altogether in that time, despite posting them set to public across multiple social media platforms and with numerous Veteran-themed hashtags, I only managed to raise $425; that’s the combined total of four fundraisers. On certain platforms, there were many views; on Facebook, algorithms and lack of visibility were a problem. Between the two Facebook fundraisers I tried, only $10 was raised in five or six months; fundraisers on that site are public by default. I also tweeted about one or two fundraisers to 30+ news personalities, but honestly wasn’t sure what the odds were of reaching them. Anyway, I had hoped that at least one fundraiser would work because the other issue was that my job search had been struggling for a long time. So, fundraising was intended as a cushion to take care of household / car emergencies and my dad’s bills until I landed employment. Even as of now, I’m still looking; it’s been a stream of many applications, yet constant email rejections without interviews or only rare instances of the latter.
As fundraising didn’t work, my dad tried to get a loan, only to be declined as he didn’t have an established credit history. My mom usually dealt with the finances and paying bills, some of which were in both of their names, yet she was always the primary holder. Upon the loan decline and talking to the bank rep, my dad made a statement that he may as well end his life. He felt that he had no options. I believe that his extreme ongoing financial struggles, along with no way to resolve them, led to his cardiac arrest.
There’s a lot regarding my life in this post, but I’m using it to lead up to a memorial idea for my dad with what I found at the house and brought to where I currently live. So, for starters, here’s what happened to me up to this point. Several days after he passed away, a joint checking account with my dad was running low, so I deposited two checks of his from insurance companies; $489 and $113. I had to cash out my life insurance for just under $4,000 and shortly before that ran out, a cousin’s husband helped me sell my dad’s car for $3,000. That money ran out by mid-October. I had nothing. Checks for $489 kept coming in, but that was in error and I didn’t deposit them. At this point, I still have to pay the initial $489 back, as well as the only $113 check. Another concern was the cost of new, more secure doors. The rear doors on the house included one for a 3-season room and another featuring double-paned windows and led into the kitchen. That inner door’s windows were squared off into sections, with a few that were too close to the knob. Unable to afford replacements, I kept them blocked off to feel safer at night. A neighbor told me his daughter spotted some guys lurking between our houses, focusing on my windows; more blockades were set up for the front and side windows. A few nights later, I heard a loud noise that didn’t sound like a truck hitting bumps in the road out front or a car door slamming. Convinced that someone got in and I’d come face-to-face with an intruder, I called the police; no sign of forced entry or anyone nearby who might have tried to break in.
Over time, when I could, I packed belongings into large plastic bins and anything else. As winter weather set in, the house was freezing; running water was icy cold. I still had nowhere to go when several people who buy houses as-is walked through; the first claimed that the house was “close to going,” as in collapsing on me at any minute. Still having no place to go, I couldn’t sleep for fear that a collapse would happen as I slept and that would be the end. The next two people who walked through weren’t seeing that collapse potential and focused more on how cold it was inside. One of them eventually offered a $5,000 cash advance, which caught me up on my bills, all of which I’d become two months behind on having run out of money. I have to add that such a financial problem with my own bills never happened to me before. Along with $5,000, the overall offer for the house was $60,000, although that was not what I’d be getting free and clear. Most of that went toward my parents’ mortgage, taxes and liens on the property. Upon settlement, I only got around $23,500 and that was to help me cover a 15-month lease on the apartment where I now reside. I’m still looking for a job with a decent salary of $55-65K because other expenses are cutting into the rent money and will continue to do so over time. If I didn’t have to leave that house in such a hurry, I probably could’ve held out for a much better offer. Well, somewhat better, anyway; the house was in bad shape. But to get only $23,500 for the house sale isn’t much. My 15-month apartment lease comes to over $26,000. With groceries and my other regular bills, I couldn’t pay ahead.
To top all of that off, my car’s inspection had been expired since September. It needs repairs that I didn’t have money for and that led to not getting it inspected. I recently took it in to a local dealership, yet not much could be done as certain parts were needed. A mechanic titled my wobbly steering column downward and it no longer wobbles. It’s at an awkward angle, but might be the only position in which it could be stabilized. However, the overall steering column problem is something internal, from what the head mechanic told me and added that my car would need to be taken elsewhere. The breaks are going, both visors need to be replaced, two rear lights have missing covers (which will prevent my car from fully passing inspection), one t-top window is leaking and the rear window is on the verge on popping out of place. I asked someone at the same dealership to assess the value of my car as is; it’s only worth $1,000. With an estimate of several thousand in repairs needed, it make me feel as though I’m driving a vehicle that is totaled in terms of value. With no steady income, I can’t get it repaired and I can’t get a loan to do a trade-in for at least a new used car.
I also need a new laptop to transfer data from two that I’ve had for nearly a decade; one was my mom’s. It’s surprising to me that they’ve both lasted this long; one laptop from years ago conked out on me unexpectedly after four years. Out of the two I’m using now, my mom’s is a big and clunky HP Pavilion with a battery that always needs to be charged. It drains too quickly. The other is my Apple MacBook Pro and the security software blocks me from using the internet. I get errors that legit websites aren’t safe. All internet use is done on the HP. My phone is outdated, a few models back; half of the apps won’t update and a number of useful ones require the latest software / system to download. I’m not sure if I should just have a computer store tech worker do a backup and software update. Or, if I should get a new phone as soon as possible; that option is due to whether or not batteries will be made much longer for my phone model. One time, that was actually an issue and I upgraded.
All of this is too much for me to take care of as my job search continues. For that reason, I set up a new fundraiser for myself back in October; this time with GiveSendGo. It has already been deactivated once after too much time going by without donations, yet I was able to reactivate it. Like the fundraisers I tried for my dad, this is also a financial cushion. Until my finances change, I’m on the same path he was on. The main photo shown on my campaign page is of my dad, posing at a Vietnam Veteran memorial near the Battleship U.S.S. New Jersey in Camden, N.J. in 2001 If anyone reading this can donate, here is my GiveSendGo campaign (and if you can’t donate to it, sharing is greatly appreciated). Whether you donate and / or share, thank you!
Without knowing the most recent financial issues going on, one person continually suggested that I work at low-paying part-time jobs. I’ve calculated the monthly salary for all of these jobs and none of them pay enough to cover my rent, let alone all other bills. I was even told by the same person to put off what would pay well enough to easily cover all expenses and use my education. If you’d like, refer to my resume and writing samples tab page for an idea of my background. I’m seeking opportunities in communication, journalism, media, publishing and for the travel and tourism industry, marketing. I’m also enrolled in a self-paced online real estate course for my Pennsylvania license. I’ve also applied to administrative assistant jobs and when any dealership didn’t require previous experience, car sales. She didn’t even want to hear about my education as a way to help me with anything that was a better match. That has been going on this whole time. Now, within the past week, she is assuming that all of my office skills are 20 or even 30 years old. Of course, this is all without knowing or wanting to know any timeline of my education and work history. I’m being told “get your foot in the door,” as if I’ve never worked and to take an over-suggested cashier job at Wawa. For whatever reason, the person keeps assuming that I’m such a great match for that job. However, I did apply for a Wawa cashier job twice simply to appease that person and was turned down. The nagging continues to this day to apply at every local Wawa for their cashier jobs. My resume doesn’t match cashier jobs (or other of that person’s suggestions such as fast food) and I can’t gear it to do so unless I take everything off of it, in a separate copy, of course.
Last month, I signed up as a contributor on Shutterstock for another source of income from selling photography. I only have a couple of images on this site at the moment.
Anyway, back to the matter of my traditional job search. At my age, I don’t exactly have time to put off a strong career and lose out to new grads in my field every year while I waste time as these jobs and earning too little to cover all bills. Why should I do that for a job that will have me continuing to barely scrape by? What is wrong with aiming higher? Why tell anyone to settle and risk getting trapped for who knows how long? I’ve been getting turned down for jobs that I match much better than what’s been suggested to me; maybe my resume needed adjusting. Anyway, whenever rejections happened with anything I applied for, I’d still hear the same person say, “You need to get a job,” with no consideration that if an applicant keeps getting turned down, how does said applicant “get a job?” I wish the person say, to show just a little bit of support, “Someone will hire you. You have a lot to offer.” After all, it’s a two-way street; nobody can “get a job” until someone decides to hire them. Telling a job-seeker to “get a job” only puts it on his or her shoulders, instead of realizing the struggle of getting hired. I kept being put through this issue over the past months since my dad died, adding more stress to my life as I was not being listened to, heard or understood. What’s interesting is that regardless of my age, if either or both of my parents were still alive, they would not want to see me working cashier or in fast food jobs at this point; not with my $350,000 in loans to repay, accumulated through grad school from which I’m close to graduating. They didn’t want to see me struggle and never catch up; they wanted me to be happy and reach the career goals I had through educational pursuits. In fact, my parents would’ve argued the same points I’ve attempted with the person in question, if they were still alive for her to suggest to them that I try this or that. Even going into the issue with a particular person ties in to my parents as she was a friend of theirs. I can picture vividly either of them trying to reason with her on this matter if I happened to not be present to do so myself.
Well, the short version I intended for this turned out to be a much longer, yet there was so much to tell, even just in summarizing it. Even if kept short, I wanted to have as much of the situation in one place if it would more easily lead to getting help. As for the actual long story, I plan to write a memoir covering the past few years on up to present day. So much of what I’ve been put through and by who, especially since my dad died, has not been normal. Only a small fraction of that is within what I’ve touched on in this post. Further incidents have been outright unbelievable. That’s because it’s certainly not the emotional norm for people to do to someone who lost any family member what people have done to me since my dad died. I could also write a book, if not a chapter or two for the memoir, about the concept of job-seekers needing emotional support and encouragement. They need and deserve to be believed in by everyone in their lives. They should not be shut down when it comes to hearing what career goals they pursue; nor should they be abandoned simply because of disagreements regarding jobs for which to apply. That’s a hint, right there.
While going through belongings around the house, I found a collection of my dad’s photography from when he served with the 101st Airborne in Vietnam. In a tribute to him, I’ll be going through them to put together for publication; I already have a title.
Pictured above: my parents at the Moving Wall, replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall, when it had a stop in Marcus Hook, Pa. My mom, holding up a newsletter photo that featured her and my dad at the Moving Wall. My parents at the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse in the Outer Banks of North Carolina; my mom’s father’s family has roots there. My parents admiring classic cars at a local car show; they passed their love of classic cars on to me, taking me to car shows when I was a kid.
I miss you, dad and Thank you for your service. Dad and I both missed you mom over the past few years and I miss you still. I know that you and mom are watching over me; in spirit, you know what I’ve been going through since your passing. Along with that, I’m still not in the clear to avoid having no place to stay; my job search continues and I wonder if I’ll be hired in time. I surely won’t survive on the streets for long if that’s where I end up.
Photo Journey 